tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69005549605508744302024-02-08T12:24:46.262+11:00The Living RoomA blog for the Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching community - to explore and share ideas about coaching, development, learning, the mind, happiness and growth.Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-12292409113021520192012-03-22T13:26:00.000+11:002012-03-22T13:26:42.085+11:00On Vulnerability - Brene Brown, will you go to the prom with me?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am having a bit of a love affair with Brene Brown, who is a researcher into vulnerability & shame. More fun than it sounds, believe it or not! I first came across her work when I saw a talk she gave at TEDx Houston (<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html" target="_blank">here</a> ) which resonated incredibly strongly with me. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Her basic thesis is:</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><ul style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><li>We all feel shame</li>
<li>No-one talks about it</li>
<li>Fear of feeling shame leads us to avoid living whole-hearted lives.</li>
<li>Developing courage to step out, despite that fear, is the key to a whole-hearted life.</li>
</ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.brenebrown.com/storage/covers/ImperfectionFIN200c.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1281299792455" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.brenebrown.com/storage/covers/ImperfectionFIN200c.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1281299792455" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I raced out and bought her book, "<a href="http://www.brenebrown.com/books/2010/8/8/the-gifts-of-imperfection.html" target="_blank">The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be, and Embrace Who You Are</a>" which has led me in all sorts of amazing directions, including putting me onto the research into <a href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/live-smarter/work-life-balance/the-importance-of-playing" target="_blank">play</a>. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Brene Brown expected that her TEDx talk might garner a few hundred views. There were many, many millions. She has just delivered a follow-up talk at the main TED event, <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html" target="_blank">here</a>. I highly recommend that you take the 20 minutes to watch this talk. It is amazingly powerful and moving. Also funny.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Enjoy.</div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-56633841134896435452012-03-07T17:52:00.000+11:002012-03-07T17:52:03.632+11:00Right. Back in Action.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well, didn't those months just fly by.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Updates:</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">1. Alcohol Free Year.</span></b></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I did indeed stay off the drink for 2011. It was surprisingly easy. I was talking with a friend the other day who mentioned that it must have taken enormous determination, but it really didn't. The key was in just deciding - <i>really deciding</i> - to do it. Then, decision made, no inner turmoil. A lesson I will be taking to other arenas of life, no doubt.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">2. <a href="http://www.madeleineshaw.com.au/index.php?page=getunstuck" style="color: #6aa84f;" target="_blank">New Coaching Program</a></span></b></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I launched a phone coaching program, <a href="http://www.madeleineshaw.com.au/index.php?page=getunstuck" target="_blank">Get Unstuck</a>. This is especially for people who, by all appearances, are doing well in their careers but who are secretly unhappy and wondering:</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Is this all there is?"</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Because it's by phone, it works really well for people because they don't have to get time away from the office or explain who they're meeting. I've been helping some really great people, including in countries outside Australia - so that has been fantastic. If you'd like to find out more, you can take a look at the <a href="http://www.madeleineshaw.com.au/index.php?page=getunstuck" target="_blank">website</a> or <a href="mailto:info@madeleineshaw.com.au" target="_blank">drop me a line</a>.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">3. <a href="http://www.resiliencei.com/" style="color: #6aa84f;" target="_blank">Resilience</a> work.</span></b></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I've been doing more and more work with The Resilience Institute and this has been fantastic. In particular, we've been working with lots of legal teams and financial services organisations, bringing them the science and latest thinking on how to feel great, focused and perform well. And maybe even enjoy it - perhaps flourish??</span></div><div style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">4. Art & Science of Human Potential</span></b></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This is my daily <a href="http://paper.li/mshawcoaching/1309412583" target="_blank">e-newspaper</a> and it has been steadily gathering readers. It's a great way to connect with likeminded, interesting people and get a cross-section of ideas in areas like wellbeing, health, fitness and resilience.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">5. Writing!</span></b></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My new hot topic is PLAY and I have been busily sharing my ideas and the great work of researcher Stuart Brown. If you're interested, check them out:</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/live-smarter/work-life-balance/the-importance-of-playing" target="_blank">The Importance of Playing</a> - on <a href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/" target="_blank">Flying Solo</a> </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.resiliencei.com/data/media/documents/Perfectionism%20and%20Play.pdf" target="_blank">Perfectionism & Play</a> - Resilience newsletter </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://dl.dropbox.com/u/27916336/MPA12.03_Motivation.pdf" target="_blank">Why It's Essential to Play</a> - Mortgage Professional Australia magazine </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So... happy to be back in the Living Room! Very glad to have you here.</span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-90587366848759754802011-04-11T11:40:00.000+10:002011-04-11T11:40:13.359+10:00Are you in denial about feedback?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My latest article is up on <a href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/marketing/communication-skills/selective-hearing-getting-feedback">Flying Solo</a> today - about how to get <b>honest feedback</b>, and why you need it. Enjoy, and let me know what you'd add or change to make it better!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-75612668661347838672011-04-08T11:37:00.000+10:002011-04-08T11:37:58.304+10:00Why? But why?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My darling nearly-three year old has just reached the stage of asking "Why?" to just about everything. Last night, when I told her I loved her, she asked me why. Because you're you, my heart!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This period of gentle interrogation has got me to thinking about the role of curiosity in our adult lives. What could do with some questioning? When and where are we cruising on assumptions when we could benefit from cultivating an attitude of open-minded inquiry?</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">More on this soon. Favourite topic of yours? Send me your thoughts and ideas!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the meantime, two updates:</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>First</b>, keep an eye out on Monday (11 April) for a <b>new article at <a href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/">Flying Solo</a></b>. This one is about feedback, so if you think it's bollocks let me know.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Second</b>, my <b>year of non-drinking</b> continues. Various people have complimented my willpower but it honestly hasn't felt like it has required any force of will. Taking an attitude of neutral mindfulness whenever temptation arises really does seem to have worked for me. I observe it (with curiosity!) and it falls away easily. Where might this approach be worth a try for you?</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Until next time and beyond, happiness to you.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-71702460025869409152011-03-09T09:56:00.000+11:002011-03-09T09:56:24.060+11:00Why Goal Setting Doesn't Work (Sometimes)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I just read an interesting post on PsyBlog about <a href="http://www.spring.org.uk/2011/03/the-dark-side-of-goal-setting.php">The Dark Side of Goal Setting</a>. It argues that goal setting is overused as a magic tonic for performance, but that it doesn't work if:</span></div><ul style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: small;"><b>the goal is too specific</b> - because you lose sight of the bigger picture</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><b>you have too many goals</b> - because you tend to focus on the easy ones, even if the harder ones are more important</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><b>your goals are too short-term</b> - again, losing sight of the bigger picture.</span></li>
</ul><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I would add another point - <b>the goal won't work when there are factors you haven't addressed that are holding you back</b>. This interference is often subconscious or unconscious. For example, Andrew might have a goal of obtaining a promotion. However, if he is concerned that hours required in the new role will interfere with other priorities in his life, he may subconsciously or unconsciously hold back from succeeding. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">What does this mean in practice? </span></b></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Imagine you have set a goal of getting fit by going to the gym 3 times a week. You set it, and you set it, and you set it. And yet - you don't do it. Plenty of busy people manage 3 gym sessions a week, and we'll assume that it is physically possible for you. But you're not doing it. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Just setting your goal and focusing on the actions you need to take to reach it isn't enough. To bring about the change you want, you need to look deeper. What beliefs do you have about the gym? About fitness? How does the goal align with your values? For example, you might value time with your family highly, and unconsciously avoid the gym because it cuts into that family time.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Once you get these inner factors out, you can address them. <i>Why</i> do you want to be fit? Is it to have more energy for your family? When you understand your inner drivers, you can align your goals to them so that there are no hidden traps holding you back. For example, you might decide to get fit by going bike riding with your kids. You can get creative and design something that really works - for you.</span></div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-51010695749471918932011-02-11T16:03:00.000+11:002011-02-11T16:03:20.623+11:00Hello temptation, my old friend!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A quick update on <b>2011: Alcohol Free Year</b>.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I am continuing to find it remarkably easy to keep with this. Before starting, I decided to take a mindfulness approach to temptation. Instead of pretending it's not happening, or trying to fight it, I welcome it as an old friend - safe in the knowledge that everything that arises also surely subsides. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When I find myself tempted (the thought of a beer may have crossed my mind on the hottest night on record last weekend), I smile hello at the thoughts. I take a curious, but neutral, approach - observing them and the tricks they are trying to play on me. It's a bit like the benign smile a parent might give a cheeky toddler that is stating the case for an extra sweet. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">What I have found is that this approach takes much, much less energy than my old approach of fighting. I just observe and wait. Sure enough, the moment passes.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We used to open a bottle of wine two or three nights a week, and drink the bottle over 2 nights, between two of us. Weekends, consumption would often go up a little - but really quite moderate, in the context of the "typical" Australian drinker. Still, I was expecting the habit to exert a stronger pull than it has. I've had a birthday, we've been on holidays, we've had celebrations, we've had I-need-a-drink stressful days... all the kinds of things that would be a good "reason" to quit. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And what have the benefits been, so far? Partly physiological - weight loss, more energy, sounder sleep. Actually, the main thing I've enjoyed so far has been the practical experience of the mindfulness practice in a challenging area. Where shall I apply it next? </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-4288418690082022542011-01-31T15:59:00.000+11:002011-01-31T15:59:43.341+11:00A short post<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Well, legions of breathless fans, I am still here. I returned from 6 weeks away from the desk (2 in training, 4 visiting family and friends in icy northern countries) to discover that someone had quietly replaced the myelin sheathing in my brain with surgical gauze. That will be what was behind my lingering sense of ennui, and lack of high function. Or low function. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I've gradually restored my brain to its usual self and am looking forward to an exciting year with you in 2011. I'll be announcing a couple of changes in the business and continuing to pursue all that's interesting and fun in the sphere of human performance. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I've also designated 2011 as an alcohol-free year for me. It's been amazingly easy so far and I'm looking forward to exploring that process, and blogging a little about it, as the months move on. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the meantime, check out <a href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/">Flying Solo</a> on <b>Monday, 14 February</b> - I'll have a new article live. It's about whether you're micromanaging yourself, and what you can do about it.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Until next time, happy new year to you!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Cheers,</span></div><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Madeleine</span></span><br />
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</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-80086882560271913582010-11-25T13:53:00.000+11:002010-11-25T13:53:58.187+11:00Metaphor: A helping hand<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The New York times ran a completely fascinating <a href="http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/this-is-your-brain-on-metaphors/">article </a>recently. It was about the brain science of metaphors. We know that metaphors are powerful. Tell someone you need to get 5 days work done in 2. Or tell them you're squeezing a house through the eye of a needle. Which is more evocative? </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Dirty, dirty boy.</b> </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Now we are increasingly understanding that the same parts of the brain that process physical sensations and emotions (pain, hunger, happiness) also process concepts. What's more, we confuse the two. Various studies are demonstrating this effect. In one study described in the article, volunteers were asked to think about either a moral or immoral act in their past. As a thank you gift, they were offered a choice between a pencil or some antiseptic wipes. Those who had thought of their "dirty" acts were more likely to choose wipes.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Mmm, vinegar, yes please</b></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) uses metaphor to help people change the way they think and feel. For example, imagine you want to like coffee less – say, about as much as you would like to drink a glass of vinegar. A simple NLP technique would involve understanding how you mentally conceive of coffee (probably, when you think of coffee, it’s a large, clear picture in your mind –perhaps with smells, warmth and the motion of the steam rising) and how you mentally conceive of vinegar (probably small, black and white, still and distant in your mind’s eye). </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> You would then be guided through a short process that amends your mental image of coffee so that it takes on the attributes of the vinegar image. Coffee will still taste like coffee to you, not vinegar. But now, the idea is your mind is storing the attractiveness of drinking coffee in the same way as it stores the attractiveness of drinking vinegar. And chances are, you’ll find you just don’t crave those coffees in the way you used to. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Just what's going on at a neural level, we don't know and there's not much scientific research (though I'd love to see it), but I'm fascinated by the overlap with neurolinguistics and psycholinguistics. In fact, the whole area of brain research is so exciting at the moment, and our understanding is growing exponentially.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
<b>Your point being?</b> </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So, how does this apply back in the everyday? </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">A client of mine was working on having a less angry response to certain situations. We didn't talk much about it in those terms though. Instead, we spoke of "triggers" and finding ways to shrink the trigger button, and "cut the wires" to it. We use metaphors intuitively, and it's been my experience that deliberately finding and using metaphors to adjust our thoughts and responses is enormously powerful. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Which discipline that sits under isn't so important to me - there are always turf wars - but I am excited at the prospect of learning more about how our brains work, and how we can tap into that knowlege to increase the health and happiness of ourselves and those around us.</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-85823338384521299742010-11-12T10:16:00.000+11:002010-11-12T10:16:44.252+11:00Get clear with an offsite - solo style<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'm chuffed to have my <a href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/working-smarter/business-plans/offsite-business-planning-days-solo-style">article </a>published on FlyingSolo.com.au!</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><h4 class="teaser" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Getting away to clear the head, think differently and create your plans is not just for corporate bunnies. Here’s how to have an offsite on your own. </h4><h4 class="teaser" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><a name='more'></a>I'd had rolling Outlook reminders popping up incessantly at me for a couple of months. “<em>Review marketing plan</em>!” they nagged. “<em>Develop new programs</em>!” and ”<em>Don’t forget to revise key messages</em>!” </h4><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I kept deferring them, thinking to myself that I really needed a day out to plan. I yearned for the offsites I’d been part of in my old corporate life. Then I realised that a team of one can still have a team day!</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Having just completed my second soloist’s offsite, I now feel like a veteran, so I thought I’d share what I’ve learned with you.</div><h2 style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Get away</h2><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You don’t have to spend big on a dreary meeting room in a bad hotel. A soloist’s offsite can be free. But don’t sit in your office or head for one of your regular haunts.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Being somewhere new will get your synapses firing in fresh ways. Creativity will follow.</div><blockquote class="right media_pullout_move_to_media_content" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" title=""></blockquote><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">What environments have got your thinking juices flowing in the past?</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When I was at uni, I’d occasionally take long train trips to work on a particularly tricky essay. So my ideal offsite is a working journey of two or three hours to somewhere new on a country train (first class ticket, tray tables, hot cuppa). I have lunch and a walk at my destination, then do more work on the journey back. Weird? I guess so. But the only person I need to convince is me.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Go wherever works for you. Steal my train idea, or take a drive somewhere new. Perhaps overnight it. The choice is yours and yours alone.</div><h2 style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Stick to the agenda</h2><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">If you’ve ever been to a corporate offsite, you’ll have experienced the agony of a drifting agenda. When you’re working for someone else, you get to blame the facilitator.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When you’re flying solo, the facilitator is you. Do your job and don’t let the meeting lose focus.</div><h2 style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">What do you want to achieve? </h2><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Offsites are about new perspectives. It’s a good time to set strategy, define your dream client or develop new product ideas. It’s not the day to sort out your tax receipts.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Not sure what should be on your agenda? Try imagining yourself coming home after a wildly successful day. What does wild success look like to you? What have you achieved? What’s the evidence to prove it?</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">On my recent trip, I wanted to come home with a single page document incorporating goals for home, community and my business for the next 12 months.</div><h2 style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">What’s your process?</h2><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">How will you reach your outcome for the day? Allow a nice balance between structure and fluidity, so you can be receptive when inspiration strikes.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">For me, I wanted to review the material from a conference I’d been to recently then do some brainstorming in the morning and refine my ideas in the afternoon.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You’ll find some great tips for structuring your soloist’s day out in this <a href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/working-smarter/business-plans/how-a-business-planning-day-can-work-for-you" mce_href="http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/working-smarter/business-plans/how-a-business-planning-day-can-work-for-you">article</a>.</div><h2 style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Take some tools</h2><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">You won’t need the big flip charts or the fancy projector. But you will need plenty of paper and coloured pens, and maybe some relevant reference material. (On my recent day out, I took the conference papers I wanted to look over).</div><h2 style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Leave some tools behind</h2><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Leave your phone and email devices, and maybe even your laptop, at home.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Gasp!</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I know. It’s radical. Scary even.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When I forgot my phone, my anxiety (okay, panic) subsided when I realised that being out of contact for a day to work on my own business is really no different to being offline because I’m with clients or at a conference. I went to check my phone several times, and when I couldn’t, I just got on with the tasks at hand – which incidentally were way more fun than checking voicemail would have been.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I had more focus too – after all, it takes several minutes to get back on track after reading an email.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Do yourself a favour. Give your day the priority it deserves. Ditch the phone.</div><h2 style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Have fun</h2><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Tap into your creativity, get productive and enjoy your offsite!</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Have you tried an offsite? What are your tips? What planning and creativity strategies work for you?</div><h4 class="teaser" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"></h4><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-32161885104976521252010-11-10T06:55:00.000+11:002010-11-10T06:55:05.681+11:00Ask yourself this one question and nail that meeting.<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Ever thrown every fact in the book at someone, but failed to budge them? Or conversely, how often have you sat firm in an opinion despite the best efforts of someone to convince you that you were wrong? It happens when people use facts to try and persuade – when emotions work much more convincingly. </span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">More and more, we’re understanding that emotions play a central role in decision making. Neuroscientist <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Looking-Spinoza-Sorrow-Feeling-Brain/dp/0156028719?ie=UTF8&tag=madeshawexecc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">Antonio Demasio</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=madeshawexecc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0156028719" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" /> discovered that people who injured the part of their brain governing emotion were left otherwise intellectually intact - but unable to make decisions. He has shown that emotions and thinking are intertwined - often unconsciously.</span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It’s not that facts are unimportant – they’re very important. It’s just that we’ve tended to give them all the weight and ignore emotions. When you get that equation back into balance by restoring the role of emotions, you’re going to be much more effective. </span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I often coach clients who have an important meeting coming up – such as a job interview, performance review or a presentation to key people. My clients are smart and successful, so they’re definitely prepared – they’ve got their facts straight, they’ve done their homework. I often ask them: </span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>How do the other people want to FEEL when they come out of a wildly successful meeting?</b> </span></span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">If it’s a job interview, the answer might be “confident”, “relieved”, “excited” and “secure”. Those people have to take a gamble when they decide who to hire. Yes, you need to show them that you can do the job (facts) – but if they come out of the room feeling even a tiny bit doubtful, on-edge, bored or worried, they ain’t hiring you. </span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Your job, then, is to do what you can to put those people in the right state. Think about what would make you, if you were in their shoes, feel those things. </span></i><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Gain confidence. </span></b><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Thinking about how you can make the others feel good also tends to reverse your perception of the hierarchy in the room. This helps with nerves. Instead of thinking of them as powerful superiors looking for your flaws and shortcomings, you are now thinking of them as what they are – human beings with emotional needs that you can meet. </span><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Take that awareness and intention into the meeting with you and notice what happens. In my experience, consciously following this process makes a huge difference to the energy and success of interactions with other people. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">What about you? How do you prepare for those important meetings?</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-31779854979100312772010-11-03T10:07:00.000+11:002010-11-03T10:07:17.724+11:00Get excited about finding time.<div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Do you want to find more hours in the day? Here's how: first, cull unnecessary meetings.. blah blah blah. WAIT. Before you get into the nitty gritty of how to cheat a few more minutes here and there, stop and ask yourself:</span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Why do you want the extra time?</b></span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Is it to keep doing exactly what you do now, but have it spread out over an even longer period? No, I didn't think so. So many of us feel we don't have enough time, but trying to find more, just "because", usually isn't enough to motivate us to make a real change. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Someone stuggling to start an exercise program might genuinely protest that they couldn't possibly find an hour a week to get to a class at the gym. But could you find 5 hours a week to sit in a meeting room, if I were to pay you $500,000 each time? Yes, I thought so!</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">A consultant, Ron Ashkenas (see <a href="http://blogs.hbr.org/ashkenas/2010/11/add-an-hour-to-your-day.html">here</a>) did some research that illustrates nicely that we can find time if we really want to:</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>"Imagine if the president of your company personally asked you to take on a special assignment — working directly for her. The project would take one day per week but you would have to continue your regular job in the remaining time. Would you take the assignment?</i> By now we've asked this question to hundreds of managers — most who complain about not having enough time already — and 99% say they would take the assignment."</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Most of us know we can find time in our week if we really want to. The problem isn't time - it's motivation. So, if you haven't got the company president knocking on your door, or a lazy half-million from me on offer, how do you find that motivation?</span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>The</b></span> <b><span style="font-size: large;">3 step process for getting excited about time management</span></b></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Step 1 - Find your underlying driver.</span></span></span></span></b></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">(a) Grab a piece of paper and write down the answer to this question:</span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">If you had more time, what would it allow?</span></span></span></span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">(b) Now write down the answer to this question:</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">When you have that, what will it give you?</span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">(c) Now write down the answer to this question:</span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">When you've got <i>that</i>, what will it allow?</span></span></span></span><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">(d) Keep going until your answer resonates powerfully and you don't see any need to go further. Take a look at that final answer - that's your underlying driver - the basic reason you want more time.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">For example, Peter might say:</span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">If I had more time, it would allow me to get the sales reports done on time.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">When I get the sales reports done on time, it will give me my Thursday nights back.</span></span></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When I have my Thursday nights back, it will allow me to get to the gym.</span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When I am going to the gym, it will give me more energy and a clear head.</span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When I have more energy and a clear head, it will allow me to be more focused and calm.</span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When I am more focused and calm, it will give me a sense of control over what I'm doing.</span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So John's underlying driver is have a sense of control over what he is doing. For you it might be more time with your family, a sense of freedom - anything. But it needs to be the ultimate reason - the one with nothing else underneath it.</span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><i>By focusing on the deep motivation underlying your urge to find more time, you will be more driven to make the changes.</i> </span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Step 2 - Decide what changes will support you.</b></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I just googled "time management tips" and got 17,300,000 results. But simply following someone else's list isn't necessarily going to work for you. You need your own list, and you need to create it with your underlying driver in mind.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Brainstorm options - without analysing. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Without thinking too much, jot down 3 things you'd do differently, if they would <i>guarantee </i>you wild success in achieving your underlying driver.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Just for fun, jot down another 3 things you'd do differently, in order to free up those 5 hours a week and pocket the $500,000. Quick - no analysing - just get them down.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif; font-size: small;">Now scan your calendar for the past couple of months, and the couple upcoming, and generate 3 more ideas.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">What else would you add? Remember, you're not committing at this stage - so capture whatever comes up. What other options do you have - if they guarantee you will successfully achieve your underlying driver?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></div><div style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> <b>Step 3 - Commit to Action</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Now it's time to analyse and commit. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Take a look at your list of options and decide which ones you will commit to putting into action. Which ones are most likely to work for you? Which ones have you feeling excited and motivated?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When you have your action list, rate it: On a scale of 1 to 10 (where 10 is certain), how likely are you to stick with it?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">If your answer is less than 10, what do you need to change to make it a 10?<b> </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Make those changes. <b><br />
</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b>Now go and do it.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Have fun, and enjoy your time!<b> </b></span> </span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-89820447235395942682010-10-26T17:29:00.000+11:002010-10-26T17:29:42.629+11:00The Steady Chameleon<span style="font-size: small;"></span><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Do you recoil at the thought of the slippery leader - you know the one - she tells you <i>exactly </i>what she thinks you want to hear. She'll tell you the sky is green, if she thinks it'll get her whatever it is she wants. And everyone knows it, and no-one likes it (or her). Or maybe he's the guy who "manages up" just enough to hide the lack of competence or empathy that's so obvious to his peers and reports.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">No-one (ok - almost no-one) wants to be that person. And yet, we also often hear what seems to be a conflicting message - that successful leaders adapt their style to the person they are with or the situation they are in. If that's true (and I believe it is): </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>How do you change AND stay the same?</b></span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Actually, most of us already do this. I don't act the same way in a coaching session, talking with a prospective client, buying groceries, cooking dinner, at a party. In fact, people who <i>don't</i> adapt in this way are the stuff of comedy - think of Robert de Niro behaving as though the whole world were a national security agency in <i>Meet the Parents</i>. More seriously, someone who insists on "just being myself" in exactly the same way in all situations is going to find themselves colliding with brick walls in their career and elsewhere in their life.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">So why do so many of us resist changing within the sphere of work?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I have worked with several clients who accept that their "work" self shows up as different from their "home self" - but insist that having multiple work selves is fake - something distasteful that automatically takes them from hero to slippery-leader-zero.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">There's a fascinating and useful HBR article on exactly this point: "Managing Authenticity: The paradox of great leadership". </span></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">(You can read the beginning of the article <a href="http://hbr.org/2005/12/managing-authenticity/ar/1">here</a> but will need to be a subscriber or purchase a copy to read the lot.) They say:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>Authenticity has often been thought of as the opposite of artifice - something that is straightforward, sincere and uncomplicated. But that conception of authenticity is not only simplistic, it is also wrongheaded. Managers who assume that their authenticity stems from an uncontrolled expression of their inner selves will never become authentic leaders. Great leaders understand that their reputation for authenticity needs to be painstakingly earned and carefully managed.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">That's all well and good - but how? The authors of the article go into detail on this and it's well worth a look if you're interested. In my coach training, I was shown a model which I found summed it up well. You want to look for the real part of yourself that overlaps with the role you're in at that moment (boss, friend, customer, sister) and the person you're interacting with. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiyztRF1a3_Ivj3c-ejLNd08_85uT-Kutntwf7tmw0quVdIIPmrkV0Lfoprjj80D1GE5_osW1fD3DiWAS-R2JH8Y4aKLSUEVpASlqCxz8MxYGK7VhU25qErTfE4IeSsMiFOlk_1v_y15E/s1600/authenticity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiyztRF1a3_Ivj3c-ejLNd08_85uT-Kutntwf7tmw0quVdIIPmrkV0Lfoprjj80D1GE5_osW1fD3DiWAS-R2JH8Y4aKLSUEVpASlqCxz8MxYGK7VhU25qErTfE4IeSsMiFOlk_1v_y15E/s320/authenticity.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;">This model gave me permission to adapt AND still be my authentic self. </span><span style="font-size: small;">I've since worked with this model with several clients, who find the same thing.</span><span style="font-size: small;"> Within work, we are constantly moving from role to role, and dealing with different people. To be effective, we need to access the part of our authentic self that is most appropriate at any given moment.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The skill is in being able to locate and access that part. To do that, you need to know and </span><span style="font-size: small;">understand yourself, your role and the other person. "Just being myself", inflexibly, ignores the importance of these other 2 facets.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">What about you? How do you adapt, and stay true to yourself? How do you develop the skills you need to find that overlap? What frameworks or ideas have you used to help you meet the needs of different people and roles?</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-12785870909871458342010-10-19T15:00:00.000+11:002010-10-19T15:00:52.371+11:00How interesting are you?When I was a child, my complaints of boredom to my mother were given short shrift. "Only boring people get bored", she'd reply. I remembered that recently, when I was re-reading <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Flow-Psychology-Engagement-Masterminds/dp/0465024114?ie=UTF8&tag=madeshawexecc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life (Masterminds Series)</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=madeshawexecc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=0465024114" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" /> by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. He devotes a whole chapter to exploring how being interested in something relates to having "flow" experiences - flow being those times when you are totally absorbed in what you are doing, when the challenge is high and you have the skills to match, when time seems to fly by without your having a sense of it.<br />
You've probably experienced that hair-on-the-back-of-the-neck feeling when something captures your curiosity. It's that feeling of being <i>fascinated</i>. You lose the sense of yourself and place all your energy and attention on the object of your fascination. Csikszentmihalyi calls it "disinterested interest" - interest that's about something outside ourselves. He says:<br />
<i>Without disinterested interest, life is uninteresting. There is no room in it for wonder, novelty, surprise, for transcending the limits imposed by our fears and prejudices.</i><br />
When we are in this state, we are more likely to experience our peak state, or flow. <br />
There will always be things that we don't enjoy doing but, of necessity, have to do (say, taking the rubbish out or attending a tedious meeting - my personal favourite, the tedious meeting). Csikszentmihalyi suggests that if we train ourselves to pay close attention to things, we will begin to find them fascinating, and will want to pay them attention. We are more likely to find ourselves in flow. Finding something in these tasks to capture our genuine curiosity and attention means they can give us energy instead of draining it. The challenge is to make the initial effort this requires, when it can seem easier in the short term to switch off or avoid the task.<br />
My guess is that someone who is fascinated in, and engaged by, the world around them is going to be a lot more interesting than someone who is unplugged, bored, switched off. So I suppose that means my mother was right - only boring people get bored! What do you think?<br />
<i> </i><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-65693094112388135552010-10-14T09:46:00.002+11:002010-10-14T09:52:48.796+11:003 steps to set your boundaries at work<span style="font-size: small;"></span><span style="font-size: small;">If Meatloaf would do anything for love - but he wouldn't do <i>that</i> - what limits do you set for yourself at work?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">We all have different boundaries - and we all need them. When you ignore your boundaries, you ignore your own limits. This can work in the short term, but in the long term it can seriously affect your wellbeing. Mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health can all suffer when we are operating outside our limits.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">So how do you manage your boundaries at work? There's no doubt it can be incredibly tough to do - especially if you work somewhere with a culture of constant crisis - where your late night/weekend/constant emailing/20-coffee-a-day habit is <i>essential</i> to the continued turning of the world! It can definitely seem essential to your continued employment. It's certainly very normal to want to play our part and meet expectations at work. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">The question is how do we play our part at work AND maintain limits for our own health and wellbeing? The answer is different for everyone. Some of my clients thrive doing a few 80-hour weeks, so long as they get two or three weeks to recover afterwards. Others need a more predictable pace. You'll get some clues as to what works for you if you follow this 3 step process.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="color: #e69138;">1. Ask: when it works, what's working? </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Think about 2 or 3 periods during which you felt highly energised at work, and that your limits were respected. Ask yourself these questions (write down or record the answers and study them if it helps).</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-size: small;"> What did these periods have in common?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">How long did they last?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">What came before and after these periods?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">How many hours were you working?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">How adequate were your resources vis-a-vis your workload? </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">What time were you arriving and going home?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Were you taking a lunch break and getting outside?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">How was your exercise routine at that time?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Were you highly social or making time to work alone?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">What activities were you engaged in outside of work (family, community, friends, hobbies)?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">What was your inner voice saying - what was the ethical and moral framework around you? </span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">What else is important?</span></li>
</ul><div style="color: #e69138;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>2. Listen.</b></span></div><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Take a look at your answers. Listen to what you've told yourself. If it helps with perspective, imagine showing them to a friend or coach and asking them: what themes and clues do you see here? What basic boundaries do you need to set from now on, to help you enjoy the levels of energy and wellbeing you experienced in the past?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Write them down. For example, they might be something like:</span></span><br />
<ul><li><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Arrive at work at 8.45 instead of 8.15, and use the time to do 30 minutes exercise each morning. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Take at least 20 minutes at lunch to walk alone outside for some quiet time.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Switch off the emails for 90 minutes each morning and afternoon.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Don't accept meetings on such-and-such a project.</span></span></li>
</ul><span style="font-size: small;">Your boundaries need to be realistic for your role - and your role needs to be realistic for your boundaries. If it's essential to your wellbeing that you work from 9 am to 5 pm each day and never a minute more, that is a perfectly reasonable boundary - it's also possible that legal practice in a large firm might not be a role that leads to happiness for you. </span><br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><br />
<div style="color: #e69138;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>3. Tell.</b></span></div><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">Often we feel like we can't state our own needs when dealing with other people. But this is a short term game. Maintaining appropriate boundaries - respectfully and responsibly - is an important part of </span><span style="font-size: small;">building sustainable relationships. </span><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Most importantly: give yourself permission to say no. If taking on the new project will tip you over the edge, say so. If you need help learning to assert yourself in this way - that help exists. Seek it out.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Much as we might like others to read our minds, if we don't communicate our needs others won't know what they are. </span><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Be flexible and prepared to negotiate - sometimes your boundaries will conflict with someone else's. When this happens you could</span></span><br />
<ol><li><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Cave ("Of course, I'd love take over your project! You go out and have fun!") - and watch your wellbeing suffer. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Be unmoving ("I never work between 12 and 1") and watch your career suffer. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">Negotiate ("I can work late Tuesday if it's absolutely essential to the deal, but I'd be missing my class so what if I come in early on Wednesday instead?") and watch the conversation open up.</span></span></li>
</ol><span style="font-size: small;">Just be sure that the negotiated deal respects your limits. If you are happy to cut a deal like this every so often - great! It's within your limits. If it leaves you miserable and resentful - see step 1.</span><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><b> </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;"><b>What boundaries do you have at work and how do you keep to them?</b></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-59117461953508192872010-10-11T14:21:00.000+11:002010-10-11T14:21:24.326+11:00Toddlers, chimps and leadersWe were at a barbecue yesterday. The very pleasant afternoon was made all the more so because our 2 year old played happily and harmoniously with our friend's 3 year old for hours. By contrast, when our daughter teams up with her other 2 year old buddies, the peace is shattered pretty regularly by power struggles and turf wars.<br />
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What was the difference yesterday? Hierarchy. She slotted right in behind the older child, who took on the role of leader. They took turns and shared but any differences of opinion were settled (by the leader) before the conflict grew into a real dispute. Of course, had he abused his power I am sure it would have been just a matter of time before she rebelled. As it happened, he was a generous and thoughtful kid who was happy to accommodate his younger friend and play nicely.<br />
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It got me thinking about how hierarchy plays out in the workplace. Andrew O'Keeffe at <a href="http://hardwiredhumans.com/">Hardwired Humans</a> draws fascinating lessons for humans from his observations of animal behaviour. He wrote a great <a href="http://email.webchameleon.com.au/em/message/email/view.php?id=341081&u=24062">newsletter </a>on just this point, suggesting that hierarchy, status and power are natural and intuitive - so don't fight it, work with it. He also offers some tips for leaders in working with this power.<br />
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Although I'd like to think that the urban sophisticates of the modern workplace have moved beyond chimpanzee or toddler behaviour, I suspect that in fact we simply become a lot more subtle about it. The stories we tell ourselves and others might become more complex but at the core, the same forces seem to be driving us. When I was at university (<i>not</i> the pinnacle of urban sophistication that we believed it to be at the time!) I was involved with a very right-on political collective that ostensibly made decisions by consensus. In fact, a small group of leaders made the decisions. When these decisions went against the wishes of the majority of the group for long enough, there was a vote and the leaders' group was de-throned. I vividly recall their outrage!<br />
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There seems to be a level of discomfort with hierarchy - it resonates against our ideas of democracy and a fair go. What do you think? Should we be able to move beyond hierarchy in groups or is it something that can be worked with in the best interests of all?<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-66396431014310564732010-10-08T08:59:00.001+11:002010-10-08T09:42:14.130+11:00Do you feel lucky, punk?Fascinating Harvard Business Review post on what luck is, and how to make it work for you. The part about optimism is really interesting to me - ties in with my explorations of the importance and power of understanding your thinking. <a href="http://blogs.hbr.org/tjan/2010/10/make-luck-work-in-your-favor.html">Here 'tis</a>.<br />
Lucky I found it!<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-78611318382067600342010-10-07T10:50:00.001+11:002010-10-07T11:07:35.871+11:00What are your strengths?I've just come from a great session with a client where we were talking about how to use her strengths to improve her performance and results at work. We used Tom Rath's <i>StrengthsFinder 2.0</i> to get a great Gallup report on her strengths and ideas for action. (No, I'm not affiliated with those guys but I use the tool <b>a lot</b> - and yes, if you buy it through my Amazon store - <a href="http://www.amazon.com/StrengthsFinder-2-0-Tom-Rath/dp/159562015X?ie=UTF8&tag=madeshawexecc-20&link_code=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969" target="_blank">StrengthsFinder 2.0</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=madeshawexecc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=159562015X" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" /> - I get about 25 cents!)<br />
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Anyway, the theory is that if you multiply talent x investment (in time and energy), you get your results. According to Gallup's research, most people think they know what their strengths are, but actually don't. <br />
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So talking tennis, if you're Roger Federer, you are a 5 for talent and a 5 for effort, so you get a 25 for results.<br />
If you've got Federer's talent but you only put in a 2 for effort, you get 5 x 2 = 10 (a waste of talent).<br />
But if you're like me, you can put in a Federer-like effort but my 1 for talent means I get 1 x 5 = 5 (a waste of energy). Which explains why I don't play a lot of tennis.<br />
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It makes a lot of sense, then, to find out what our strengths are and play to them. My client this morning has incredible strengths in the areas of people skills and relationships. She wants to grow her business and has been putting in a 5 for effort going for tenders where those skills don't really count for much. Instead, she finds the work comes in when she has been in front of people, building relationships. Getting clear on her strengths let her build a business development plan that lets her spend a lot more time doing what she enjoys (and what works) and gives herself permission to spend a lot less time slogging through data- and document-heavy tenders.<img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=madeshawexecc-20&l=btl&camp=213689&creative=392969&o=1&a=159562015X" style="border: medium none ! important; margin: 0px ! important; padding: 0px ! important;" width="1" /><br />
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What about you? Are you playing to your strengths? Or are you depleting your mojo trying to force through your weaknesses?<div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6900554960550874430.post-72233046900035934562010-10-06T15:53:00.000+11:002010-10-06T15:53:03.152+11:00Welcome - the first post<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Hi - welcome to the first post for The Living Room. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If you're reading this while it remains the ONLY post - thanks for being an early adopter!</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Over the next days, weeks and months I'm going to be working hard to add lots of interesting resources and material to The Living Room. My big idea is to create a place where lots of people - including you - want to come to learn more about living well. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What would get <i>me </i>to follow a blog like this? Well, my career is all about supporting people to develop ever more enjoyable and fulfilling lives. They do it by developing a more and more complex understanding of themselves and how they relate to the world around them. It's also a path I'm always on myself. So I'd be looking for new ideas, new connections, resources, a place to ask questions, stretch my brain - but also to relax and have fun for a while.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So that's what I'm looking to build. Come along with me! I'd love your contributions.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Cheers,</div><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Madeleine</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">The Living Room is brought to you by Madeleine Shaw Executive Coaching, www.madeleineshaw.com.au. Thanks for subscribing.</div>Madeleine Shawhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00613341305068110405noreply@blogger.com0